Jenn's Worst Christmas Ornaments Ever

This got started because one year Clark gave me a heart-shaped ornament depicting Santa kneeling at Jesus' manger. Then one year I paid him back with an ornament depicting Santa on a U.S. Army tank waving the flag (which mercifully broke off). Something disturbed me about Santa traveling all around the world delivering toys in an armed U.S. tank.


Click on reindeer pic for closeup of the doe's bizarre expression. (Thank you, Raf.)
Send me your worst: smashriley@yahoo.com

New! From Raf: Nothing says Merry Christmas like a one-off science fiction character that has been horrifically disfigured and entombed alive in a black box with only one blinking light. One for yes, two for no.

Hallmark charges a hefty $28, but batteries are included.

New! Actually, this doesn't really meet the criteria of being awful, because these fellas are fabulous. Seriously, I want the fireman. And the cowboy. But they had to be shared. Adds new meaning to "Hello, sailor!" Thanks, Brandon. New! This submission appears to be several feet tall. When Santa's not driving a tank, he relaxes by hunting ... um... reindeer? Awkward. Or maybe he just didn't get the right color fatigues for Afghanistan. Also awkward.

This was a clearly evil clown nutcracker. While in line to buy him at Walmart, two women said, "Oh, how cute!" I looked at them in horror. He looks like he's about to either molest or devour a child. Anyway, one of his jester hat bits broke off. Craig repaired him...and now, as you can see on the photo to the right, he's showing his stiff Christmas spirit. Click on photo at right for a larger picture.

Secular Santa kneeling at the manger of the baby Jesus. Oh, thank you, Alan.
Again, Santa in a Comanche or Apache copter showing that, like God,
Santa's on our side, America. 		Oh, look, honey, an angel with a treetop stuck up his rectum. (Thank you, Stacy.)
 

A bear. With a rifle and hunter's camouflage. Wrong wrong wrong.

 Victorian-style resin decapitated giraffe head, complete with off-center, poorly-glued feather plume. Tassels, braid, and lace added to make this an amalgamation of horrible. Click on photo to see larger picture. I dare you.
  
The winner of a cubical Christmas tree contest: The Slim Jim tree, garnished with shotgun shells and cans o' dip. Click on photo to see larger picture, it's worth it. (Thank you, Raf.)     The sugar plum fairy wears pasties.
   
   


A link to an entire page of truly bad taste items you can order (thank you, Lee): Pull-my-finger Santa or Pooping Santa.
God's All Star. These aren't Christmas per se, but they are ghastly and come in an array of sports. I like the kid who's about to tackle Jesus. Not cool, man!
   
Send me your worst: smashriley@yahoo.com. Now, ghastly ornaments must be mass-produced. That's part of the true horror; someone designed 'em and someone else said, that's great, let's manufacture thousands of those.